Kenyan Spell Checker

Like so many other places where over 40% of the population earns less than US $1 a day, bootlegs and knock offs of anything that can possibly be knocked off can be found much more commonly than the much more expensive real item. From bootlegs movies, to bootleg software, even bootleg bootleg jeans can be found everywhere in Kenya. I decided to use one of these bootleg versions of “Mikosoft Orfice” to type up an email I was sending to a seller on ebay-afterwards, I ran the spellchecker and here’s what happened…

Original email

Hi there, I was inquiring about the laptop I saw for auction on your ebay page. It seems to have the right specifications I was looking for in this kind of computer and I would like to purchase this for the hospital I am working for. I am currently in Kenya, and I know you didn’t have foreign shipping listed, which is why I am inquiring before placing a bid on this item if it would be possible to ship to Nairobi. If so, I will do a “buy it now” for $350 and pay extra for the shipping. Thank you very much for your time and have a pleasant day.

Daniel Ketterer

When I hit spell check, a little animated stapler popped up in the bottom right hand corner of the screen and said “HELLO!!!!?! it seems you are trying to write a letter for an ebay item, would you like spell correct this letter to send for ebay auctions?” I clicked “yes”

Mikosoft Orfice spell checked version

Hello, I am wrtiing about thje product you have listed on your ebay page for auction. Is it still aVailable?!?!. It is definately what I was looking foreign this kind of computer. I has a happy dautter that is at the University oif Nairobi right now that needs something of this kind of power computer to help her studying!. I need the PC currently fastish as her anual celebration of birth is is sewn. I know it says on your item payge that you only accept paypal, that is fine, I use an escrow service to pay moneys for this item because taht is fastar for not only you but me also too.? I think 6000 US is a fair price yes for this item?, and I have also already sent you that payment to my escrow service so you can get your money so could you kindly take the ebay listing off and send me this laptop.? Please send via airmail to my dautter today at the following address as you already have payment, fair?
American Girl Student
PO box 2
Nairobi, Kenya

Shwe will be happy so much to be seeing this laptop that she will be doing better in skool and I don’t have to beat her as hard like her sisters.
Regards friend,
Your american friend: Danish Ketterer

After sending that email out, I decided to send a quick email to GSK pharmaceuticals requesting donations of additional medications for our hospital. With a resounding “HELLO!!!!?!” the googily eyed stapler popped up again and offered a suggestion based on the email I wrote.

Subject: We has you the Viagra at lowist prices!
Hello friend
Do you get to feel sad when you your seed has stoped working? We have all-natural Herbal Viagra available without Rx! at best prices! You can have many more happy children nmow with our prodduck to get harder longer faster. GET NOW!
While we are at it, let’s get ius some more learning us some English for communication with American capitalists pigs

Seremala aljunda jeneza bora
The carpenter made a good coffin